For the past 3 weeks, I have tried to work out the wording for this post....something eloquent and deep.....but I have come up empty handed simply because I don't want to write about it. Yet, since my blog is a chronological account of my darling girl's life, I have to document even the sad times so she can look back and see what was happening around her.
When Curtis and I went in for our 16-week appointment (on Feb. 10th), we got word (and saw with our own eyes) that our little unborn baby's heartbeat had stopped. Along with that, the measurement showed that it had actually stopped growing at 12 weeks. For those of you who know us, this was our 5th time going through this. Because of this fact, I didn't have too many expectations or hope with this pregnancy until we hit the second trimester. Thus, at that point, I had let my heart open up to the possibility that we were actually having another child. So, when it all ended so suddenly, I was left asking questions and picking up the pieces of yet another dream unfulfilled.
Without going into great detail, because of a few complications, I have been home on leave for 3 weeks. The last 3 weeks have not been easy, but we are managing to come out of the deep darkness. We will never know why God took another one from us, but these truths still remain and have gotten me through yet another trial- 1. He would never give us more than we could handle and 2. He is still in control and has a plan for our lives.
Most importantly, we were blessed with the most amazing daughter who we now believe to be even more than a blessing-----she is an absolute miracle. If that is all we get in this lifetime, than it is more than enough for me.
Count your blessings each day!